


On the Horizon

by j_espere



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Post-Dragon Age II, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 16:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3141047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_espere/pseuds/j_espere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Once father was gone…I’ve always felt like I was taking care of someone - I wouldn’t be able to - I couldn’t bear giving up one more piece of me. I will not let them take my child from me before they’re formed, just for fear of the future. I will have this one thing.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Horizon

Varric had been the first one Hawke had told, something she she now felt vaguely guilty about, but at the time things with Anders had seemed so uncertain. His actions, while she understood and respected their motivation, had set things in motion that could not have been undone. For a while they tried to continue as things were. As they moved further away from Kirkwall each day, losing a companion on a nearly weekly basis, Hawke came to the realization that there could be no denial of her pregnancy. 

One evening she had told him “I love you, and I want to be with you forever…but I need a moment to myself. A few days. Maybe a week. Then we’ll make this work.” She stroked his cheek and he smiled at her, but it was small, tight, and now he would not make eye contact with her.

They were in a small town on the coast, waiting for a ship to arrive, waiting for Carver to arrive with what was left of the Hawke fortune. Varric had shelled out for a few rooms in a tavern.

Isabella only that morning left the party, pulling Hawke aside, she brushed her blonde curls out of her eyes as she told her she had procured a ship, and it wasn’t too late if she wanted to run off into the sunset with her. Hawke let out an uncharacteristic sob, having come to the realization that morning of her current state, she whispered that she couldn't, but oh god did she want to. Isabella kissed her full on the mouth as they stood on the docks, and Hawke slapped her bottom as she walked away from her.

My life could have been much simpler she thought as she looked at Varric across the table in a dark corner of the tavern, If only I didn’t fall in love. Stupid girl. Anders was off being moody somewhere, keeping the apparent required distance of a whole town between them. Merrill was in her room doing…something probably not great but hopefully not too harmful. Fenris had also wandered off…Hawke knew it was not long until he would find a new purpose. He could not be idle for much longer.

“What’s eating you Waffles?” Varric asked, titling his head towards her hands, knotted together. She had waved off his offer of ale, something he had never known her to do.

Hawke sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, observing the vague shape on the inside of her eyelids, dancing in colours. She open to see Varric looking at her with a worried expression.

“I’m pregnant.”

Varric looked like he was going to cry for a moment before he burst out laughing.

“You can’t be serious…” he kept laughing for a few moments before registering the look on Hawke’s face. “Oh Maker’s breath…Ella…” Varric never used her first name, he moved his hands to cover hers on the table. Tears fell from Hawke’s eyes silently.

“You know, I hate to say I told you so, but Andraste’s flaming sword, I really did not expect this.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

“Have you told Anders?”

Hawke shook her head and wiped her face roughly with her sleeve. 

“Maker, Hawke…Come here.” Varric had moved to her side and was soon cradling her to his chest, in such a strangely fatherly action, a laugh bubbled to Hawke’s lips, which Varric took as sobs and hugged her closer to him.

“Will you…keep it?” Varric asked as she pulled away after a few minutes.

“I don’t - a part of me has always wanted to be a mother…it may surprise you to hear that I did play with dolls as a child - and if you repeat that to anyone I’ll kill you - and once father was gone…I’ve always felt like I was taking care of someone - Varric I wouldn’t be able to - I couldn’t bear giving up one more piece of me.” Hawke had stopped crying and was slowly rebuilding her usual wall. “I will not let them take my child from me before they’re formed, just for fear of the future. I will have this one thing.”

Hawke hadn’t even realized that she wanted a child that badly until Varric had asked her, and the thoughts came first as words on her tongue, before she could truly process. But on further thought, Hawk realized all these words were true.

“Jesus kid, did you fight both Orsino and Meredith with a little mageling in there?”

“Um, yeah I guess so.” Hawke came to that realization and laughed.

“Maker what can’t you do?”

 

 

Hawke knocked on Anders door. She heard a mumble and the rustle of sheets. It was well past midnight, but Anders had only just returned to the tavern. She had given him what she thought was an appropriate amount of time, but may have paced around her small room too long, preparing herself.

Anders opened the door a crack, and Hawke could see the cool glow of his staff, a beautiful sleek thing with deadly points at each end (“what’s the point of a staff if you can’t run someone through from three feet away?” she once lamented to a slightly concerned looking Carver as they shopped the High Town market). Anders staff was a present from her, from a time that felt ages away from now.

“It’s me Anders.” Hawke spoke into the door softly. “Did I wake you?”

Anders opened the door fully, his dirty blonde hair out of his usual ponytail, an intimate look Hawke knew well from the months they spent tangled together in her bed. Her stepping over his dirty socks, her desk becoming littered with copies of his manifesto, leaning her staff next to his and crawling into bed late at night, pressing her freezing toes into the warm backs of his knees as he complained and then cuddled her closer. The memories came flooding back to her, and once again her eyes began to fill with tears.

This is what I’m going to have to deal with for the next nine months, so you’re gonna have to toughen up girl. Hawke silently chastised herself for the lack of control, but it was too late, as Anders had already noticed her watering eyes, his wary expression changing to one of concern as he stepped aside and ushered her into his room. 

It was tiny, as hers was, but at least her room had a window, Anders accommodation was no better than a closet. Anders pressed his hand into the small of her back and steered her towards the bed.

She sat down on the itchy blanket and Anders pulled the chair in the corner across from her.

He took her hands in his as he asked “What’s wrong?”, after the days of isolation from Anders, it felt beautiful to be touched by him again, to feel his strong hands keep her grounded once again, he rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. There was no sign of the moodiness that had spread over him the last few days, for a moment, Hawke felt as though they were back to normal. And then she remembered the reason she had entered his room.

She steeled herself, took a breath and let her prepared speech spill, locking eyes with Anders and not allowing herself to look away.

“I’m pregnant. I’m sorry to drop this on you, and I’m very aware this timing is less than perfect for major decision making. But I’ve decided I need it. I don’t know if I’m going to be a good or even passable mother, I’m dead scared, and frankly I don’t even know what your suppose to do when pregnant. Even if you don’t - no matter what, I need your support Anders…I need your help to get through this.”

Anders face had become unreadable. For a moment, Hawke panicked. She just should have ran away in the night, gone into the mountains, raised her child as her own and only her own. Then Anders dropped to his knees in front of her.

He hugged her waist fiercely, his ear against her stomach. His shoulders shaking.

He’s crying, Hawke realized.

“Anders…”

“I will never let go of you and this child. Our child.” Anders stood up, towering over Hawke as she remained sitting, a wild grin on his teary face.

She laughed at the joy on his face and he pulled her to her feet, picked her up and spun her, Hawke giggling and protesting.

Anders pulled her close again, and they pressed their foreheads together.

“I love you Ella. No matter what. This child will be safe. I promise you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Listening to: Grammy - Purity Ring
> 
> What do you want from me 'cause I've given you everything?


End file.
